This is my first post of 2006... I have a lot to blog about but I realise that what I have to blog about is always so mundane and trivial. That's why I have lost interest in blogging. It's not that there is nothing interesting in my life to blog about but everything is so transient... good or bad; right or wrong; happy or sad; success or failure, so what? everything that arises will eventually end. is there really anything that is worth to be happy or sad about? Haha, i talk as if I am an experienced practitioner but I am still way way far from it. I am still an emotional
person, but mostly my anger is directed to myself. I blame myself for the many faults that I have and sometimes i feel like i am going crazy.

I really hate myself sometimes. Promises that I have made to myself are so easily broken. It's hard to break the cycle of samsara, but I learnt not to be too hard on myself. Still, I am determined to walk the spiritual path and take the medicine prescribed by the world's greatest doctor- Buddha because I knoe that everything that has been expounded by the Buddha is true...The problem lies in that for every small step that I have made foward, I will made 2 retrograde steps, of which the reasons are manifold: Bad effort, bad mindfulness, poor determination.

I really admire fellow buddhists who made so much progress in their practice and really hope that they will go as far as they can. For me, though I am still stuck in the vicious cycle, I am contented. (haha, but sometimes i am still not at ease with myself.)

Wishing everyone all the best in their path to inner liberation.