MDC has 2 new members this year! and these 2 m1s seem to me to be those sort who will continue coming for dc...

War and Beauty is an excellent show! No wonder it has so many Hong Kong viewers glued to the tv. Heard about this show months back but couldn't lay my hands on the vcds because i am not willing to fork out 90 bucks just to buy the set of vcds. Luckily, my sis managed to borrow from her friend the set of vcds she bought from China. The quality wasn't too good but it was still watchable overall.

Probably, I shall just summarise the content. We have a couple of pretty girls trying to compete with each other for the emperor's attention. In the process, they hatched plans to eliminate their competitors. The plots are really convuluted: eg Female A switched the medicine of B so as to prolong her illness to prevent her from getting near the emperor (that was when they were trying to get near the emperor while they were still new "recruits") B, knowing that A doesn't have good intentions, continued to play along by taking some other food which she is allergic to but not life threatening. She was waiting for someone to catch A in action...

Subplots within plots. ANd the Chinese used is so beautiful... Makes me want to learn Chinese all over again... The ending was sad? realistic? bad? - I can't really judge... The very bad guy did not die (ok to be fair, there is not really a single good person in the show but towards the end, u pity those characters because some were forced to commit these acts due to the circumstances at that point in time) and most of the good guys died... I 'm Upset after watching the finale but Maybe that's life... The good doesn't always prevail bad.

It's just first week into my surgery posting and I am already feeling quite drained. I have to wake up early in the morning (yup, no more strolling to cgh) and unfortunately, I am still late. It's not good to be late, esp when all the mOs and registras are already busy at work when I arrive but I tend to linger in bed and underestimate my travelling time. can't help it...

Surgery at SGH is quite fun! Though surgery is supposed to be slacker than medicine, I felt it was more xiong, probably because of the wider variety of cases. I still haven't met my mentor, a first year registra, who is away in Barcelona for his annual leave. So I am technically "leeching off" my other cg mates.

It's the MRCS season and we got to see those uk examiners with grim expressions wearing suits, as well as the other candidates like us, who are probably as nervous as us while taking our exams ...

OT is an eye-opener. Within the first week, i saw a maxillary-facial operation. I won't dwell on The details, except that it's all bloody. But I got to see the live anatomical structures, ie the double venous pulsation of the IJV. My friend even got to help out , er by retracting the liver upwards and keeping note of the time.

Alas, Clinical posting test has ended!!! It wasn't as scary as the previous eclinics medicine test which i was practically slaughtered to bits. My examiner this time round was much more understanding and friendly, definitely less intimidating. At least she didn't bombard me with too many questions that i couldn't answer and most importantly, she told me that I passsed! (No sleepless nights!) The patients that I examined also didn't give me a difficult time and I didn't have to take history with my half-baked hokkien, much to my relief!

The cases that I got, for those who are interested are:

1) Atrial Fibrillation secondary to IHD?
2) Diabetes with pleural effusion
3) Right sided stroke secondary to AF, Mitral regurg

I feel less motivated than before, partly because of the fatigue syndrome getting on to me. I know I shouldn't feel like that, esp since the postings are coming to an end and our medicine test is just two weeks away but i just can't seem to muster up that little energy left in me. I badly need a rest but time doesn't permit me to rest. As the days passed, i clerk less and less cases, preferring to bury myself in books instead or just slack that day away. I know this shouldn't be the way to go and i need to buck up asap, but that motivation or zest that I had before is evaporating at an outrageous speed.

I know what is ailing me. But I just can't overcome it. My willpower is just not strong enough. I forsee a storm brewing in the distant future but I am helpless. I just hope that I will have the mental strength to tide me through this "disaster" or at least prevent me from falling deeper into this bottomless pit. The Middle Path is so simple yet so complex. It's a thin line to tread - so easy to tip to one's excesses ... I have broken the promise made to myself repeatedly and I truly understand the difficulties faced by many. Who am i to judge them when I myself is full of flaws.
The reason why I stopped giving any talks unless there's a real need to do so because I found that I haven't been progressing much in my practise of dharma and i would be setting a real bad example to others if I give talks that I haven't adhered to and when I am no better than most ppl. It's regrettable that after two years, I am still stuck at this level of practise. I am giving myself excuses, caving into my wants. I long for peace and harmony in me... but paradoxically i am the very person to break that peace and harmony in me. I know what many pple would say: take it easy? But if i were to take it easy everytime when i break my precepts, what is the point of being a buddhist?

Maybe I should abandon the hope to attain Jhanas in this lifetime.

May everyone achieve that inner peace in them...

Clinical posting in cgh is coming to an end. kinda going to miss cgh since it only takes me 10 minutes plus to walk from my home to cgh. I know that most ppl posted to cgh are quite unhappy because of the lack of interesting cases to clerk. True to certain extent, as evidenced by hours of walking in the hospital, trying to find patients to clerk but ending up not doing anything constructive. Some case histories are incomplete because of language barrier, or patients' unwillingness to be clerked. Sometimes u find yourself spending the whole day in the wards, but feeling unfulfilled at the end of the day. However, the tutors in cgh give fantastic tutorials and they seem more connected to students' needs. At least, i got to clear up and understand some difficult concepts better.

I was Particularly impressed by my cardiology tutor who knows every cardiac condition at the tip of his fingers. He was able to answer the question of "why is a collapsing pulse collapsing", a question posed to some nuh tutor who tried to smoke us by giving some vague answers. He likes to veer off course frequently but u get to know what is medicine all about. The consultants and registras in ward 49 are also very willing to teach us if time permits. More often, we are irritating parasites, posing a liability more than helping out. I feel quite awkward standing around not knowing what to do except to pull the curtains when the mos are checking the patients' bodies. Even a simple task like taking blood pressure is quite stressful when u have to take it in front of consultants and registras. Sometimes I couldn't hear the systolic pressure clearly and had to repeat a second time, wasting the precious time of the hos and mos. Wonder what's going thru their minds. I was quite embarrassed when the consultant was puzzled how i could give a bp of 105/65 when obviously the smallest division 2mmhg. I tried to smoke my way out by pointing out that I was reading in between the division. In fact, I am right in saying that it's possible to read to an accuracy of half of a division, at least that's what i learn during my jc days in physics.