What a long day! i left my house at 745 in the morning, half-awake and bleary-eyed. Traffic was really bad, taking me one hour and twenty minutes to reach school instead of the usual one hour... Bus stop wasn't crowded with throngs of ppl, a miracle when i thought of those m1 schooldays when I had to endure shoving and pushing while struggling up the bus ... but days ofshoving + elbowing +threading through the crowd r returning soon in one week's time and the thought is just pure repugnant!

Matric fair was unexpectedly quiet this year, probably due to the fact that freshies can matriculate without having to scramble their way through the labyrinth of ccas booths.  Met KC in the morning who matriculated one hour earlier than the stated time as he had personal matters to attend to... I am still feeling guilty and apologetic cos he signed up for buddhist society when cajoled by one of my fellow bs mate... Perhaps my presence had compelled him sub-consciously to sign up, though i repaeatedly told him there's no need to sign up... Real sorry...

Only 12 m1 med students were willing to put their particulars down, a disappointing but expected result as religious apathy is prevalent in today's generation. Most ppl are either married to their studies or just too caught up with samsara (me too) to give religion a chance!
Hopefully,  all 12 m1s would at least attend the welcome tea since I will be the one organising...

A  conversation to a fellow med freshie:

Nick: Hi I am from nus buddhist society...
freshie: *pretends to look away*
Nick: (repeats) I am from nus buddhist society... we will be having our welcome tea on the 12      Aug... NUS buddhist society organises activities ranging from..... (rambling on enthusiastically)
freshie * listening half-heartedly,  feigning attentiveness while eyes rolling around  to see if help is anywhere*
Nick: still rambling on....
freshie: Actually I am a Catholic...
Nick: *despondent* ok it's all right...

Ha... but  every thing is in a constant flux of changing, so is religion... I thought to myself...
At least this freshie bothered listening to my rambling,  others were quick to brush me off or were avioding me like plaque. *hurt*

Still, it's a fun experience overall... I met jb wearing the taichi pass to gain entry... He came to my boothe and he was (surprisingly) interested in knowing more about buddhism. There are just too many misconceptions clouding round this religion, complicated by taoist practices we often see  Chinese engaging in...

In fact, there's very little  worshipping of idols (in fact none at all) . Everything is about understanding and acquiring of true Wisdom... I shall stop writing /expaining more about buddhism but there are manybuddhist myths to be debunked!!

Lunch was a bowl of fish soup with a few pathetic slices of fish, a big tomato and few stalks of vege. The ever chubby Alex entertained us with his dharma + attachment experiences, etc..

After lunch, we packed up. My fitness has certainly deteriorated, as evident by the panting, copious perspiration just by carrying two heavy boxes from sports hall all the way to society club...  Oh  a sushi bar is under renovation n it should be ready when school reopens... Yummy!

 
Peace, Metta
Nicholas

 

it's 2 am in the morning and I am having serious trouble falling asleep... so here I am, blogging and reading blogs... I am getting increasingly fruastrated with my weird sleeping patterns.  Sometimes, I can sleep my whole afternoon away and wake up just in time for dinner while staying awake till the wee hours chatting with friends or reading... That leaves me with little time for productive work and I end up feeling guilt-ridden , regretting having  wasted so much time, esp when holidays r so precious and few...

The good thing is that I stumbled upon my jc friend's blog and had several good laughs reading her experiences studying in NZ... It has been a long time since I am last tickled by good witty reads... All the depressive stuff I have been reading is really bad for my mental health...  But  I have brightened up considerably...

I realise that my experiences are really too uninteresting to make good reads. everyday is the same old monotaneous routine... maybe I should close down my blogspot...

Retail therapy is really effective in lifting up one's spirits! I felt much better with every piece of clothing bought, of which reason i myself ain't very sure. Ithis shopping trip was good! Not only did I buyt lots of stuff, I acquire some fashion sense from george which I am very grateful for.  In the past, I had always shunned fitting clothes for they were always somewhat uncomfortable, going  for baggy pants and t-shirts instead, which in george's words, made me look like an 50 yr old ah pek. very lao qi!  Now, I am all right with fitting clothes but still find it hard to accept tight-fitting clothes (those tight fitting clothes are for gym-trained guys desperate to show off their bulging muscles)... Ha, though i tried changing my image several times, it always ended up as a failure...I guess I am still a conservative at heart,rejecting clothes with loud, gawky colours and flamboyant designs, something that I ought to change for my own sake... 

I saw this shirt which I really look good in (Not boasting as the retail assistant said so too... george can attest to that) but had a hard time deciding whether to buy because it's too flashy for casual wear. George was telling me that wearing that shirt for lecture would be suicidal, inviting much unwanted gossip and scandal...  Not like I care very much...  I didn buy it in the end, opting for another checked  shirt with milder colour and approving design...  That flashy shirt needs serious contemplation... I will sleep over it tonight and hopefully will reach an answer in my dreams.

 

I went for mdc yesterday night and it's heartening to see so many of my seniors making the time to come for mdc despite their busy schedules. It made me even more guilty when i thought of how many times  I  had absented  myself  without any real valid reason. I must be more enthu next  semester when the m3s pass the leadership baton to the m2s!

I was honoured to be given the task of organising the upcoming welcome tea for the new freshies. Buying refreshments, planning games shouldn't be too difficult for me but the difficult part would be persuading m1s who have shown interest in mdc to come every monday. Unfortunately, membership for mdc has been dwindling steadily over the years and sadly I am the only Singaporean student who comes for mdc on a regular basis, besides one other Malaysian. Dr Kenneth had asked us to reverse trend by having more social interaction with the m1s and mentoring them so that they will not feel left out... But, on the other hand, joining a religious society has to be a willing effort and no amount of persuasion would  work if he/she is totally religious apathetic...

Hopefully, we can recruit more members this year!

I went for mdc yesterday night and it's heartening to see so many of my seniors making the time to come for mdc despite their busy schedules. It made me even more guilty when i thought of how many times  I  had absented  myself  without any real valid reason. I must be more enthu next  semester when the m3s pass the leadership baton to the m2s!

I was honoured to be given the task of organising the upcoming welcome tea for the new freshies. Buying refreshments, planning games shouldn't be too difficult for me but the difficult part would be persuading m1s who have shown interest in mdc to come every monday. Unfortunately, membership for mdc has been dwindling steadily over the years and sadly I am the only Singaporean student who comes for mdc on a regular basis, besides one other Malaysian. Dr Kenneth had asked us to reverse trend by having more social interaction with the m1s and mentoring them so that they will not feel left out... But, on the other hand, joining a religious society has to be a willing effort and no amount of persuasion would  work if he/she is totally religious apathetic...

Hopefully, we can recruit more members this year!

Oh no. I had fish and chips with my friends for lunch this afternoon, despite my resolution not to have f &c for the next two months due to f &c overload back in australia. It's very cheap though, costing us seven bucks each.

What a long time since i last met jb, david, ch and jack! We had a nice long talk over lunch, discussing everything under the sun. I am so out of touch and clueless with everything that is happening in medicine.  Medicamp, Matric Fair- all of which i am totally ignorant ! it's really fortunate to have jb supplying me with the latest gossip, though nothing really scandalous.  Half of the time, I had to ask jb who's who in medicine... Looks like I have to do more social networking in M2.

D bought tickets to Rachmaninoff ( I'm not sure whether it's spelt correctly) concerts, and I really felt like buying then but i can't find anyone to watch it with me.  it would be an unforgettable experience listening to Piano Concerto No 2 being played live by a professional pianist! Anyone interested! The concert will be held at Esplanade, 9 Oct...

We went to kino and something funny happened there... D was telling me about how he always plans to read Leo Tolstoy books but he never succeeds. I said, " try something easier like Fitzgerald." To my aghast, they mistook it as Fitzgerald, the author of one recommended neuroscience tb and I had to explain that it was realli F SCOTT FITZGERALD that I was referring to! Ha, I had a good laugh over it!

I am glad to see all of them spending their holidays so fruitfully!

I scored a miserable 15% for "Do You knoe George well enough? " quiz, one of the lowest. *dread*The lucky thing is that no one passed! ha...Logic doesn't work in this case ... He has obviously tricked me several times... Who would expect his most hated jc would be rjc? and the country he visited the least no. of times would be our nextdoor neighbour. Shan't disclose anymore details but it's an interesting way to get to knoe someone and dispelling some long-held beliefs u have .I am contemplating setting up my own friendtest on tickle , ha , though I dun knoe myself well enough to set questions on myself. What an irony!

 

I picked up Wuthering Heights from Pasir Ris Library in a hurry , determined to complete reading it before school reopens. I got through the first chapter with much difficulty and almost wanted to give up, but my dignity is at stake because I made a bet with my friend that I will finish reading one classic, however tedious it is. I realise that once U survive the first chapter, subsequent chapters will be much easierto read...

Wuthering heighs is such a nicely crafted novel, with lots of symmetries between the first and second generation characters and many sacarsms and allusions awaiting for readers to unravel. The characters are complex, like any literature novel,  esp Heathcliff whom I do not knoe whether to love or hate. As much as I sympathise with his predicament, Heathcliff  's predisposition to vent his anger and take revenge on the innocent young ones is what I cannot condone.  After all, what done cannot be undone and there's no end to hatred.

 

The transformation in me after my trip to Australia is that I am more appreciative of everything Singapore has provided us with. We are so well-looked after that we dun seem to realise. Previously I have always lamented how lucky my friends are, having the opportunity to study abroad while I am stuck in Singapore, trapped in the rigorous education system.  Studying abroad has its advantages, I admit, but the comforts of being close to my family, familiarity with everything, our strong culture identity may well outweigh those advantages. it would be difficult to break through the native social circle due to the obvious cultural differences. This is attested by the fact that most Singaporeans stick with the Asian ppl. Subtle discrimination against the Asians are inevitable and I myself have experienced it there. I feel so lucky to be studying in Singapore!!!

An embittered person. QY told us that was what two years of RJ had moulded her into. And to a certain extent, it may be true for me too. I am dissatisfied with everything I have achieved. I was probably a much happier person back in Dunman High when there was less expectations of myself. It’s a different world in rj when everyone brandishes around with strings of a1s. I did not crack under the immense pressure but the dissatisfaction inside me grew when I realised how well-rounded and versatile students were. Good looks, good in sports, good academics, great wealth- some ppl just possess all of them.
I know  that I should be grateful with whatever I have achieved. There are tons of ppl who are less fortunate than me. I am…seriously.  Just that ppl tend to compare themselves with the upper echelons of society. I am no exception either.

 
I went for mdc today, after a 3months hiatus. I am glad that I have gone for this session, because it reaffirmed my beliefs and renewed my faith. I am more determined to go for the remaining sessions left. A wave of serenity and calmness washed over me just by soaking in the atmosphere, listening to people giving inspiring and meaningful talks, however difficult to understand they can be. Hopefully, by attending more of such talks, i will gain some semblance of inner peace inside me and  grow to be wiser.
 
I didn’t go for any of the dharma sessions since 1st pro , because I have been too caught up with materialism. Friends who knoe me well enough would understand what I mean.
In fact, my idealistic beliefs that I had before are becoming increasingly shaky as I question my long-held beliefs. Are my beliefs unsustainable and untenable in this complex world of today? Is my idealism misguided all along? I have no answers for these questions till today and am still finding the answers. All I know is that it’s difficult to balance realism with idealism .

Sometimes a seemingly harmless remark can be hurtful. All the more unbearable when the friend who made that remark is someone you have known for a long time.  Yes, I admit that I have a fragile Ego that is easily bruised. I feel lousy about myself and I am beginning to lose faith in whatever I do. Whatever sense of worth and self esteem that is left with me is fast disintegrating and I am falling into an abyss of despair. I seriously do not know what’s wrong with me but there seems to be nothing that I can do to make myself feel better.
 
However, friends do take friendships for granted at times, I feel. Throughout my life, I have always been this Mr Nice guy who tries to be accommodating and tactful, never blowing my top once, always giving in to others, sometimes even at the expense of myself.  Perhaps, that’s why my feelings have always gone unattended by others. People can lash out hurtful remarks and I will swallow them down.
 
That incident is really too small to be mentioned and I personally have no wish to write it down. All I have to say is that comparisons were made between some friend of mine and I and I feel slighted. I am even more insecure about my personal abilities.
 
Okay, there’s really nothing wrong with me. I am prone to bouts of depression and it will go off sooner or later. Dun u guys worry about me.

 
Someone was commenting, or should I say complaining about my recent entries for being too comprehension-like. Perhaps I am too conscious of my writing that I appear too formal. Perhaps it’s because of my desire to achieve the style of those authors whose books I have been reading that writing starts to become serious business. “ it’s not like u’re planning to become a writer” quipped sy. Ok, hmm, act I did harbour this small tinge of hope to become the next Michael Crichton… (Dun U guys dare puke) ok, I shall revert to my usual casual style of writing: Just write whatever that comes right into your mind!

 
Someone was commenting, or should I say complaining about my recent entries for being too comprehension-like. Perhaps I am too conscious of my writing that I appear too formal. Perhaps it’s because of my desire to achieve the style of those authors whose books I have been reading that writing starts to become serious business. “ it’s not like u’re planning to become a writer” quipped sy. Ok, hmm, act I did harbour this small tinge of hope to become the next Michael Crichton… (Dun U guys dare puke) ok, I shall revert to my usual casual style of writing: Just write whatever that comes right into your mind!

It’s both appalling and upsetting to know how insensitive some people can be. Ok, perhaps it was an oversight on my part to expound my beliefs on others , though I still didn’t think that it was anywhere near preaching. Ha, Imagine what a rude shock I had when I heard the sudden “I think this is a total pile of bullshit” comment and till now, I feel that the comments were too harsh and unwarranted.  To shoot down someone beliefs without proper understanding and justification is not showing the person due respect for that belief he has held so strongly thus far. Like there are many of my friends’ beliefs that I am cynical and sceptical about but I dun shoot it down IN FRONT OF THE PERSON”S FACE! To say I wasn’t the least offended at the point in time would be deceiving myself  but I believe that remark was not deliberate. To the person who may be reading my blog, I am NOT ANGRY or PISSED with you, because I am not someone who bear overnight grudges! Heck, maybe I’m just being too sensitive!

It’s both appalling and upsetting to know how insensitive some people can be. Ok, perhaps it was an oversight on my part to expound my beliefs on others , though I still didn’t think that it was anywhere near preaching. Ha, Imagine what a rude shock I had when I heard the sudden “I think this is a total pile of bullshit” comment and till now, I feel that the comments were too harsh and unwarranted.  To shoot down someone beliefs without proper understanding and justification is not showing the person due respect for that belief he has held so strongly thus far. Like there are many of my friends’ beliefs that I am cynical and sceptical about but I dun shoot it down IN FRONT OF THE PERSON”S FACE! To say I wasn’t the least offended at the point in time would be deceiving myself  but I believe that remark was not deliberate. To the person who may be reading my blog, I am NOT ANGRY or PISSED with you, because I am not someone who bear overnight grudges! Heck, maybe I’m just being too sensitive!

It’s both appalling and upsetting to know how insensitive some people can be. Ok, perhaps it was an oversight on my part to expound my beliefs on others , though I still didn’t think that it was anywhere near preaching. Ha, Imagine what a rude shock I had when I heard the sudden “I think this is a total pile of bullshit” comment and till now, I feel that the comments were too harsh and unwarranted.  To shoot down someone beliefs without proper understanding and justification is not showing the person due respect for that belief he has held so strongly thus far. Like there are many of my friends’ beliefs that I am cynical and sceptical about but I dun shoot it down IN FRONT OF THE PERSON”S FACE! To say I wasn’t the least offended at the point in time would be deceiving myself  but I believe that remark was not deliberate. To the person who may be reading my blog, I am NOT ANGRY or PISSED with you, because I am not someone who bear overnight grudges! Heck, maybe I’m just being too sensitive!

It’s a real big torture having to drag myself out of bed at 7am early Sunday morning after a tiring Saturday to teach tuition. All thanx to my student who changed the afternoon tuition timing last minute as he had to go for some band performance in the afternoon. I proposed cancelling or postponing the lesson but he refused for he had a science common test on Monday.  Sigh… I have no choice but to cramp three tuition sessions in one day without any break in between besides hopping from one place to another. I have this dark premonition that I won’t be able to juggle my busy school workload with my tuition once school reopens and I am planning to drop one of my student come to the worst or at least reduce the number of lessons to two per month.

 

I have this pr6 tuition kid whom I am starting to dislike very much because of his hyperactiveness and his innumerable antics. For eg: It’s quite usual for him to have stomachache in the middle of the lesson  and the number of times he go to the toilet to pee really makes one suspect he is suffering from diabetes mellitus or insipidus. I tried complaining to his mother once but there was no improvement at all. Really wish to drop him but being a responsible tutor, I can’t do so at these crucial months.

It’s a real big torture having to drag myself out of bed at 7am early Sunday morning after a tiring Saturday to teach tuition. All thanx to my student who changed the afternoon tuition timing last minute as he had to go for some band performance in the afternoon. I proposed cancelling or postponing the lesson but he refused for he had a science common test on Monday.  Sigh… I have no choice but to cramp three tuition sessions in one day without any break in between besides hopping from one place to another. I have this dark premonition that I won’t be able to juggle my busy school workload with my tuition once school reopens and I am planning to drop one of my student come to the worst or at least reduce the number of lessons to two per month.

 

I have this pr6 tuition kid whom I am starting to dislike very much because of his hyperactiveness and his innumerable antics. For eg: It’s quite usual for him to have stomachache in the middle of the lesson  and the number of times he go to the toilet to pee really makes one suspect he is suffering from diabetes mellitus or insipidus. I tried complaining to his mother once but there was no improvement at all. Really wish to drop him but being a responsible tutor, I can’t do so at these crucial months.

Much of today was spent lying on my comfy bed, poring over Merrick, one of Anne Rice's vampire chronicles, with great relish. My lost passion for Anne Rice novels, is roused once again after completing Merrick(just like how Lestat is roused from his deep sleep when he heard the call of Louis' distress) and like a vampire lusting for fresh blood, I am eager to complete yet another novel by the same author. Anne Rice 's novels have this magical effect on me which I myself am unable to put it into words. I felt rejuvenated , at the same time worn out , most certainly due to the whirlwind of emotions that is always predominant in her every novel. I felt the grief, misery, agony of each and every character potrayed and could relate their emotions with my own. Towards the end of her novel, it's always the same emotions that beseiged me: emptiness and loneliness.

I hope Anne Rice continues writing, though I read from some website that Blood and Canticle may well be her very last novel as she felt an intense need to end the vampire chronicles. No, let this beautiful legacy continue and satisfy the appetite legion of fans have for her superb storytelling!

Ha, after coming back from australia, I feel like i am in the transition state of morphing into a marsupial, sleeping more than I usually do. Perhaps, it's because of the gloomy climate which has this soporific effect on me, luring me to slumberland. So Besides sleeping, I have been watching loads of tv, devouring every mega movie shown on channel 5, however archaic they may be and of course, the usual drama serials like csi miami, oc, nip tuck ... Reality shows like The Apprentice and The Amazing Race and the bimbotic A simple life are a must-watch for me too! I haven't been going out too often except when I have no choice but to give tuition. Looking foward to my jc dinner outing and my sec school outing to wild wild wet... Heard a lot of negative comments about this latest themepark but hopefully, it will be better than what i have in mind...

Just read my sec school friend's blog. Feelings of inadequacy crept in when I realise how well she writes, even for just a simple blog... Her descriptive language, her fluidity and complete mastery of the english language are what I long to achieve. Sigh, I have always wanted to improve my english but it seems to reach a plateau and there's no way to overcome that barrier...

Enuff said... Btw, Nip/tuck is really a wonderful show not to be missed. In fact I prefer nip tuck to the oc because it's much more fast moving!

I am upset by the fact that Diana Degarmo sold a disappointing 65000 copies of her single, less than half of what fantasia has sold.